Fires and Femboys

So, that weather lately, right? 

Here in Oklahoma we had some of the strongest winds and worst fires the state has seen in over 50 years. Where I live, we had basically an entire day of sustained 50 mph winds with gusts upwards of 70mph. It was incredibly dry and dusty and we saw fires breaking out all over the place.

I was lucky to not get hit with fires… across the state almost 600 families lost their home, in my town, a little over 100 did. This was a devastating and terrifying event. I had my cats and snakes and geckos packed up and ready to run if we needed to. In over ten years here, that is the closest I have ever been to needing to evacuate. And the dry weather and fire threat continues to today, when I am writing this, over a week later. It is less than those first few days but we still haven’t had any rain and we have been having some slightly higher wind. I’m sure when we finally do get rain… it will come with tornadoes -.- 

Little known fact about me (Probably a highly known fact, actually) I get pretty bad weather anxiety. There are VERY very few things I fear in the natural world but tornados and fire are at the top of that short list. This is because of my animals. I don’t have a safe place or an easy way to evacuate everyone quickly if it really comes down to it. A tornado can drop and destroy an area in seconds. A fire can rage across the land quicker than you might think or if it sparks up nearby you might not even get much warning before it’s consuming your home and everything inside. These natural disasters are my greatest fears in life (If you don’t count human activity). So as I am watching fires spring up in every direction, down wind of some and only a couple miles away, and I am kind of freaking out and trying not to have a panic attack. I got ready to run, and then stayed glued to the tv and weather apps and emergency services facebook and everything else I could get information from. All day, and all night, and all day the next day, and even after that. The fires were eventually contained, after spreading their devastation, and the weather turned to slightly more favorable conditions.

And then I left on a short trip to visit a friend. 

I very nearly called it off because of the fire weather fear but it looked like the fire danger was supposed to die down more significantly than it actually did. So I stuck with my plans and went to visit a friend closer to the east side of the US before I moved clear across to the west coast and it wasn’t as easy to visit without a plane flight. Of course, the fire danger ended up ramping up again for two more days while I was out there. I had people checking on my animals and ready to step in and get them out if they needed to…. But not being there to ensure it was horrifying… 

I am so close to escaping this hellscape of a state, I just need Oklahoma weather to keep its shit together a little bit longer and let me get out! 

I think I have probably always had a minor degree of anxiety but it has increased dramatically while living here- and not just because of the threatening weather.

There’s the actual climate, and then there’s the social climate. Here’s the thing about people in Oklahoma. There’s this whole idea of “southern hospitality” and I will admit, people here ARE really friendly and welcoming- if they think you are one of them. But as soon as it becomes clear that you are an “other,” that friendliness cuts off quick. I am white enough to look like one of them, so I am treated with that famous southern hospitality- at first. But anyone in a conversation with me for more than a few minutes can quickly determine that I am not a subservient country housewife. I will say that, because I am living in a college town, the good ol’ country folk sentiment is toned down a bit and mixed with a little more multicultural behaviors. But I still run into a lot of insidious sexism, racism and other bigotry. I can’t tell you how many women have been upset or even deeply offended that I am not married and don’t want kids. Apparently it’s a moral failing of a young woman to not aspire to that greatest truth of what it means to be a woman (rolls eyes). As a teacher, I have been fairly surprised at the number of openly gay and trans students I have had, but they have faced all the hate and ridicule that you would expect and I really worry for their safety as this country gets more dangerous for them. 

So where am I going with all this, I have mostly just been rambling about weather and culture, but there’s a point, I promise. These are two of the major stress factors for me here in Oklahoma. 

The small mindedness of the people, and the worsening threats of weather caused by an unstable climate. 

So I am going to jump back to my visit out of state to see a friend. This friend is a cis, mostly hetero male, who is a femboy. This means that he likes to dress in cute outfits that would typically be considered for women only. He pulls off being feminine way better than I ever have! So I got to visit him, in a state that isn’t even particularly progressive, it generally votes republican, but it has some very liberal areas and where he lives is one of them. I was absolutely astounded that he goes out in public dressed all fem and not only does he not get any glares or rude comments, he actually gets a lot of compliments! I mean, he absolutely deserves it cause he looks great but it was just amazing to see! We went to a restaurant the first day I was there and he held the door for this sweet little old couple and they both complimented him on how cute his outfit was. It felt like being in the twilight zone. I don’t think there are many (or any) places he could go in Oklahoma and not face some sort of ridicule- dirty looks at the very least. 

It was just so refreshing to see that other areas are not hateful as where I have been stuck for the past decade. I hope and expect to see a lot more of this in Washington when I get out there.